I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
