When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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