Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
