kristin has been a bad kristin
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
