Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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