I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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