I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
