I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
how does that bad decision feel?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
