You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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