White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
