the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
