i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
smell my finger.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
