Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
