Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
