Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
