YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
