Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
