so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
