he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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