bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
