I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
