I must be too annoying 4 u.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
