Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
