Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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