so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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