I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
