She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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