i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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