Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
