i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
