Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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