Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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