Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
