i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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