just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am one with the molecules
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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