That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
