Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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