she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Mom said you looked used
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
