I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
