Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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