I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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