Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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