Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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