He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
