I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
