dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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