we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
