I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Randomize
