I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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