I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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