I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
